The murder at Hogwarts or 'Ouch you killed me'
by Mog-everything
Summary: Sirius and Snape are teamed up to find out who killed Ginny Weasley. Was it really Harry? I'd say so, but that's just me. Very funny one shot. Please r&r. Who do you think it was?


The Murder at Hogwarts or

Ouch, you killed me!

It was a dark and stormy night. The giant squid was huddled in the deepest corner of the lake, and even Mrs. Norris was finding shelter inside a suit of amour. The castle was deserted, well apart from Prof. Snape swooping around like an over grown bat, and the Ghosts gliding through the walls, and Harry Potter dashing off on another adventure, and…well more deserted then usual anyway. The silence was suddenly pierced by a high pitched scream.

"Ouch you killed me" were the final words uttered from the victims mouth. Within seconds Snape had arrived at the scene. The sight that greeted his eyes was not pleasant at all. It was Ginny Weasley lying in a pool of her own blood.

"Gosh" thought Snape to himself "That's going to really be the final nail in the coffin of all those Harry-Ginny shippers"

As he began to inspect the scene he noted a message on the wall. It appeared Ginny had written it in her own blood. It read 'Avenge my death'.

"Hmm it appears to be a plea from the grave" he muttered.

"Very good Severus" said a mocking voice. Out of the shadows appeared Sirius Black.

"Black? Aren't you…dead?" Snape stammered. Sirius didn't look very dead. He was walking along with a spring in his step humming 'Hoggy Wartty Hogwarts' to himself.

"No. No I'm alive." Sirius assured Snape.

"So it would seem" Snape said in a whisper "And how exactly is it you come to be alive again?"

"To cut a long story short I'm here to find out who killed Ginny, and right now you are the top of my suspect list."

"Me? And who here has been found guilty of plotting a murder before Black? If you ask me you're just as likely to be the killer as I am." Snape spat_. He does have a good point _Sirius thought to himself. So instead of pursuing his case further he began to examine the evidence.

"By the looks of things Ginny was coming down the stairs from that direction-" Sirius said pointing upwards "And she was attacked by the killer about here"

"And how do you figure that?"

"Simple Severus, it's really quite simple. The Gryffindor common room is up those stairs, and I bet young Miss. Weasley was coming down to sneak out for some reason" Snape said nothing so Sirius continued "But why was she sneaking out I wonder?"

"Knowing Ginny Weasley she was meeting a boy" Snape said.

"Perhaps…" Sirius agreed. He sat deep in thought for a moment or two. Then he let out a loud wail of pain, as if something had just run into him. The 'something', was in fact Harry Potter in his invisibility cloak.

"Oh sorry…oh my god, Sirius you're alive!" Harry was overjoyed. He leapt on Sirius in an over excited hug.

"How ya been Harry?" Sirius asked casually

"I'm ok, how have you been?" Sirius opened his mouth to answer but Snape jumped in.

"You realise we have to put Harry on the suspects list now don't you?"

"No, why'd we do that?" Sirius asked bemused.

"Because of this" said Snape holding up a piece of parchment. "It was inside Ginny's robes"

Sirius scanned the paper:

_Dear Harry_

_I'm really sorry but I just can't go out with you anymore, you're far too high maintenance and not only that but you wear more makeup then me, which is totally not cool. I hope we can remain friends, From Ginny._

"Ginny would have given Potter the note, he got angry and killed her, but forgot to remove one vital piece of evidence. " Snape said with the air of a man who was certain of what he was saying.

"That's not true! I don't wear any makeup!" Harry said vigorously.

"That's all rather circumstantial Severus" Sirius said

"Yeah, innocent 'till proven guilty" Harry agreed. Snape finally agreed to wait for further evidence to arise, but insisted on putting a silencing charm on Harry, and locking his feet together. Harry slumped on the stairs looking rather unfortunate.

"Why don't you look at the body?" Harry asked after a minute of Snape and Sirius bickering.

"That was a useless silencing charm Sirius" Snape said ruefully

Sirius shot him a sarcastic smile "Let's just examine the corpse"

They walked over to Ginny to check what things were wrong with her.

"She appears to have been stampled by something. Something with hooves…" said Sirius

"Ah huh! Potter's patronus! It's a stag!" Snape looked triumphant.

"Wait a second, what's this?" Sirius asked holding a small potion jar that was lying next to Ginny. It was labeled _Bottled Devils Snare_.

"Err it appears to be a potion jar"

"So it was you! Ginny had never been a very good student, so you decided to kill her off!"

"That's preposterous!" Snape spat. "Besides, look at this" he pointed to her neck. There were two raw, bleeding gashes.

Out of the shadows a silently gorgeous figure emerged. He was quite tall, with skin that resembled marble more then anything else. But despite that he was beautiful, with cherry lips and golden curls down to his shoulders. To top it all off he was wearing leather pants.

"Who the hell are you?" Sirius asked, losing all composure.

"I am the Vampire Le-" began the figure

"No don't say it!" yelled Harry frantically.

"What?"

"Don't say your name! There are copy right laws; we could all get in big trouble "he said panic stricken

The beautiful nameless man claiming to be a Vampire rolled his eyes. "You mortals and your copy right laws…"

"Well I think that just about settles it" said Sirius "This chap, who ever he is, must have killed Ginny. There's no other explanation. "

"Actually there are several" Snape pointed out.

"Shhh" said the Vampire. Everyone was quiet. "Do you hear that?"

"No…oh wait yes I hear footsteps!"

Ron Weasley came round the corner buttoning up his shirt.

"What are you doing out of bed Weasley?" Snape barked. Ron looked rather startled. This was clearly not the situation he had been expecting to face.

"Umm umm…" he stammered. But he was saved from having to say anything when Hermione turned the corner too. She appeared to be re doing her hair.

"Oh gosh!" she said.

"Well this makes the situation even more obvious then before" Sirius began "Ginny had gone out to catch Ron and Hermione making out in the broom closet! She'd found them, they killed her and dumped the body here"

"Don't be stupid Sirius" said Hermione, who wasn't questioning how he was alive again.

"Well so far there are five possible motives here…" Severus began

"But none of them are true" a voice finished for him. It was Dumbledore. He had come up through a secret door in the wall.

"Prof.!" squeaked Hermione

"And how do you know Dumbledore?" Snape persisted "Any one of us could have done it"

"Yes, but alas, if you look closer you will see the vital clue neither of you found, two vital clues in fact." Dumbledore said bending down. He picked something off Ginny's robes. It was an owl feather. He also pulled another piece of parchment from her robes.

"An owl feather?" Sirius asked "What does that mean?"

"I am now going to read aloud the confession:

_Dear Prof. (s)_

_We the owls of Hogwarts have taken it upon ourselves to kill Ginny Weasley. The reason being she has been found guilty by the High Owl Court of eating owl flesh, and joining in owl killing related rituals. We apologize for any inconvenience._

_-Yours sincerely, the Owls of Hogwarts_

"Oh so it was the owls all along" said Prof Snape. Sirius nodded in agreement.

"Hedwig's a killer!" Harry said sounding gob smacked

"Since when did Ginny kill and eat owls?" Ron asked

"And what about all the other evidence?" said Hermione "I mean those bite marks on the neck are a bit of a give away…"

"No, this case is solved. It was the owls. "said Dumbledore. He went back through his door in the wall.

Everyone stood around thinking of what to do next.

"Perhaps I should be going now" said the gorgeous, stunning and all together brilliant Vampire.

"Yes, us too" said Ron

"Well I'm not cleaning up the body!" Snape said indignantly

"Nor am I" said Sirius. "Harry, be a dear and clean up this mess will you?" Harry opened his mouth to argue but the others had already left.

"Bloody owls" said Harry as he scrubbed the stone floor.


End file.
